Hilf Mir Fliegen Help Me Fly
by Melody Syper Carston
Summary: Kaoru's life is a living hell. Hikaru hates him and his parents have practically disowned him. Kyouya's lies have turned everyone against him. His life is detiriorating fast and nothing seems to be letting up... KyoXKao Songfic to Tokio Hotel's song...


**Hilf Mir Fliegen  
Kaoru's POV**

I don't know where I am anymore. It's like I'm living in some alternate dimension where no one knows who I am anymore and even my brother despises me for everything I am. Ever since he started to hang out with Haruhi instead of me It's like he has completely forgotten about me. I've practically forgotten about our act since I quit the club. Hikaru hasn't though… he hosts with his new girlfriend. Guess who?

Yeah... Haruhi Fujioka herself.

Everything just blurs past me these days and I really don't give a damn about anyone anymore. My parents have rejected me, Hikaru hates me, and no one at school even remembers me anymore because of my sudden change in attitude. I hated how everyone made me feel dragged down and I hated how alone I felt…

_Ich bin hier irgendwo gelandet  
Kann nicht mehr sagen, we rich bin  
Hab die Erinnerung verloren  
Die Bilder geben Keinen Sinn  
Bring mich zurück, bring mich nach Haus  
Ich schaff's nicht allein hir raus_

I wandered up and down the halls of Ouran skipping class because it was math and let's face it: I _sucked_ at math. I didn't feel like ruining my grade any further than what it was now so I figured cutting one class out of my schedule wasn't going to hurt too bad, right? I wasn't really paying attention to where I was going; I just let my feet take me to where ever they pleased which happened to be the bathroom in the south wing of the school. _'Why here?' _I thought to myself as I studied my reflection in the mirror. The black dress pants I was supposed to be wearing were replaced with a pair of dark denim skinnies and my button up white oxford shirt was all the way unbuttoned revealing a tight black shirt. The tie hung loosely from my neck and my black dress shoes had been replaced with bleach white converse. My hair was no longer ginger, for I couldn't let myself be reminded that I was identical to the thing that totally hates me now. It was almost a raven black color with a single streak of platinum blonde in the front. The person in front of me reflecting back from the mirror mocked me. Laughed at my weakened state. Taunted me because it knew that I was no better than I had originally been.

I rolled my sleeves up and traced the scars on my wrists absentmindedly. I had started cutting… about... five months ago when Hikaru announced that he and Haruhi had started to date. It was also about the time when I quit hosting and started to skip classes. After he had said that it was like my world had been thrown into a war zone fighting against everyone _and_ my own self.

I heard footsteps near the bathroom door and heard the door creak open and I immediately started to pull my sleeves down to cover the scars I hadn't told anyone about. I watched from the mirror to see who it was and was almost surprised to see Kyouya Ootori walk through the doors.

"There you are Kaoru… I was sent here to find you by Tamaki. He has been wondering about you." Kyouya said crossing his arms over his chest and giving me a pointed look. "He says it's an emergency meeting." He rolled his charcoal black eyes and waited for me to reply.

"I quit the club doesn't he remember? Or is that blonde of a king really that much or an imbecile?" I asked coldly leaning against the counter and glaring at him through my fringe.

"We're worried about you Kaoru. It's like you have totally been wiped off of the face of the earth and have been replaced with a cold and emotionless monster! That's not like you at all." Kyouya murmured his eyes flickering.

_Komm und hilf mir fliegen  
Leih mir deine Flügel  
Ich tausch sie gegen die Welt  
Gegen alles, was mich hält  
Ich tausch sie heute Nacht  
Gegen alles, was Ich hab_

I growled and shook my head. "I'm fine! I don't see why you're suddenly worrying about me now and not _five months ago_ when this all started!" I balled my hands into fists until my knuckles where white and I felt something hot and stick coating my fingers. "Don't come talking to me now if you didn't talk to me in the first place." I growled brushing past him and escaping from the wretched school.

"Kaoru! Stop this!" Kyouya called running after me. I was running out of breath after about half a mile from the school and Kyouya was catching up to me. "We were worried but you were unstable then. We didn't want to deal with you because we weren't sure how you'd react." He said after he caught his breath.

I shook my head angrily. "You're lying. No one even looks at me anymore. They're disgusted." I wanted to punch him. I wanted to take out every ounce of anger and then some on him. "I'm being ignored and it's like I'm being suffocated!" I was screaming now.

Kyouya stayed silent. Listening to my every word. "I kn—"

"You know nothing! Do you know how much I hate myself for making Hikaru hate me? It's like he doesn't know me anymore! He doesn't even acknowledge my presence anymore! My own parents have practically disowned me!" hot angry tears poured down my cheeks and my nails dug into my cheeks scratching them away. "Tell Hikaru that I hate him when you go back because I'm not following. I'm going home." I growled and continued to run home. I burst through the front doors to find my mother sitting on the couch. I walked past her and up to my room. Before I reached my room I turned and leaned over the railing. "I thought you were on a business trip."

"It got canceled." She answered coldly before vanishing somewhere else in the house.

_Erzähl mir alle Lügen  
Mach es so, dass ich es glaub  
Sonst krieg ich keine Luft mehr  
Unde diese Stille macht mich taub  
Nur graue Maueren und kein Licht  
Alles hier ist ohne mich_

I locked my bedroom door and walked into the connected bathroom locking that door too. I opened one of the drawers and pulled out a small pocket knife and flicked it open. Carefully I pressed the cool metal to my wrist and pressed down on the skin until I drew blood. There was only a small bit of pain from the gash now but it still felt _amazing_ and then it was like all of my worries and troubles flowed out of me from that gash. Dripping uncaringly into the sink.

After a while it stopped bleeding and I wrapped gauze around my wrist and hands where the small slivers of nail marks were. I quickly cleaned the sink and bathroom and walked into my bedroom.

And then Hikaru was in my room. "Where have you been?" It was like someone was forcing him into the conversation like he really didn't want to but he did anyways. "Kyouya said that you ran off while he was trying to talk to you and was wondering why but never came and asked you."

I was outraged. Kyouya had come and asked me why I had run off. Kyouya had followed me half way home before he finally turned back and walked back to Ouran. How dare he lie to everyone else. How dare he make me look bad towards everyone else! How dare he say such things about me! "He did. He asked me exactly why I had run off. He's lying to you—"

Hikaru shook his head and leaned against the door frame. "Kyouya doesn't lie. You should know that Kaoru."

I stood up and punched him. I couldn't stand this anymore. I couldn't stand how every single person that I met was automatically against me! He had joined Kyouya becomes of some delusion that he doesn't _lie_? I repeatedly punched him and kicked him and screamed profanities and insults and incoherent yells of nothingness.

Hikaru took it. He allowed me to beat him; he allowed me to take out all of my anger on him until all that was left was tears that were trickling down my cheeks. I stumbled to the floor as did Hikaru. Sobs wracked my body until it felt like I was being ripped in half.

Hikaru stood and left. Completely abandoning me in the floor of my room. This was _why_ my attitude had changed so suddenly. Abandonment when I needed someone the most.

_Komm und hilf mir fliegen  
Leih mor deine Flügel  
Ich tausch sie gegen die Welt  
Gegen alles, was mich hält  
Ich tausch sie heute Nacht  
Gegen alles, was Ich hab_

I woke up and got ready for another dreadful day at Ouran. The first thing I faced that day was that my own twin had left me and hadn't bothered to even wake me up unlike the days before. I didn't opt to take a second car. Instead I decided that I would walk there. The second thing I faced was the fact that everyone suddenly knew who I was again. It wasn't in a good way though. I was being shunned and that's when I learned why. When I walked through the doors of 1-A, I saw a huge group circled around Hikaru's desk. He decided not to cover the fresh black bruises on his cheeks and jaw and eye. He even said that I was the one that did it to him! I couldn't even look at my brother. I fled the room and found myself walking down to the South wing. To the end of the hall… to Music Room 3.

"Kaoru?" Kyouya's voiced travelled to my ears and my eyes flickered up to meet his.

"Why did you lie to them? You told them that I left abruptly and that you didn't bother trying to find me and everyone else believes you." I said narrowing my eyes. "I'm being treated like shit… I thought you were _worried_ about me." I scoffed and crossed my arms over my chest before sliding down against the wall behind me and pulling my knees painfully close to me.

He shook his head. "I do not recall." He said continuing to type away on the laptop in front of him. He stood up and crossed the room in three steps. "But we are worried about you. You merely told me 'Don't come talking to me if you didn't talk to me in the first place.' So I followed you orders." He explained crouching down in front of me.

I jerked my head to the side. "Get out of my face." I closed my eyes and scowled.

Kyouya sighed in an exasperated way. "This is why we didn't try to talk to you in the first place! You're distancing yourself! You don't want anyone to come near you because you're trying to punish yourself for pushing Hikaru to Haruhi!" he pushed his glasses up gently on the bridge of his nose.

I visibly flinched. "What are you talking about? No I'm not!" I said trying to cover up the fact that that was the exact reason why I had been doing all of this.

He slowly scooted closer until he was sitting right next to me up against the wall. He gave me a small look of sympathy. "You miss him being your brother instead of a dedicated boyfriend." He let out a quiet breath and glanced at me for confirmation. "You knew he had to grow up one day."

I nodded. "That's why I was so upset when he finally did grow up." I leaned my head back against the wall and stared up at the ceiling. "I was afraid of this… I was afraid he would completely forget about me."

_Ich find mich hier nicht weider  
Erkenn mich selbst nicht mehr  
Komm und zieh mich raus hier  
Ich gib alles dafür her  
Ich hab Fernweh  
Und will zurück  
Entfern mich immer weiter  
Mit jedem Augenblick_

Kyouya nodded and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "He won't always be there… you were going to separate from each other one day, Kaoru."

I rested my head on his shoulder eyes still closed. I let out a shaky breath. "Last night… we had a fight and abandoned me in the floor of my room instead of making up and talking to me as soon as the fight was over." I murmured. "I knew that was when we were finally separate for the rest of eternity because instead of knowing exactly what he was feeling after that—even without him being there—I felt nothing… It was like half of me was completely numb. It still feels that way."

I don't think Kyouya knew what to say after that so he just kept silent, staring ahead at nothing in particular. Finally he spoke. "You know I'll always be here for you to talk to you if he won't. I'll support you and listen to you… I know what it feels like to be disowned by parents and hated by siblings. Remember: my life is practically the same."

"I guess we're just two disowned losers bound together by fate." I answered with a small laugh.

A ghost of a smile flashed across Kyouya's features. "Fate sucks." He added.

_Ich bin hier irgendwo gelandet  
Komm und hilf mir fliegen  
Leih mir deine Flügel  
Ich tausch sie gegen die Welt  
Gegen alles, was mich hält  
Ich trausch sie heute Nacht—_

The two of us were quiet for a few minutes before Kyouya mumbled something incomprehensible and my curiosity finally got to me.

"What did you say?" I asked, almost whispered not wanting to break to comfortable silence that had surrounded us.

He glanced over at me. "I said I like you… a lot." He said in the same almost whispering voice.

I grinned. "I like you too… I really like you."

He sighed. "My father is going to kill me for this if he finds out…" he mumbled more to himself than anyone as he turned to face me and leaned closer and pressed his soft warm lips to mine. I was innocent almost hesitant as if he wasn't sure if I would allow him to or freak out if he did. I, of course accepted the kiss and almost leaned back in for more when he pulled away but I stopped myself. "You can't tell anyone that I just did that, alright?" he said in a warning tone.

I nodded completely lost for words. "O-of course." I stuttered finally finding my voice.

_Komm und hilf mir fliegen  
Leih mir deine Flügel  
Ich tausch sie gegen die Welt  
Gegen alles, was mich hält  
Ich tasch sie heute Nacht—_

I entwined our fingers together and placed them in my lap. "So does this make us a couple?" I asked eyes flickering over to him a lazy smile spreading across my face. I left my legs stretch out before crossing them under me. "I think it does but that might just be my opinion." I murmured.

He brushed a piece of red hair out of my face and nodded. "I agree. I say we are officially a couple… Do I make up for Hikaru's absence?"

_Gegen alles, was ich hab…  
Gegen alles was ich… hab..._

I nodded my head. I leaned over to give him a chaste kiss. "I love you… and I'll stop hurting myself." I knew that would satisfy him.

"I love you too Kaoru… I wouldn't want anything to hurt you. That would kill me inside." And he was serious about that.

I nodded and whispered, "It would kill me to kill you."

**X~*~X**

**A/N:**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Ouran (rightfully belong to Bisco Hatori) and I don't own the song Hilf Mir Fliegen or the lyrics. (Rightfully belong to Tokio Hotel, namely Bill Kaulitz and Tom Kaultiz who wrote the song together) But I do own the plot of this story and a copy of the lyrics that I printed off of the internet. I also own a copy of the translation (translation not by the band but by a fan that speaks both German and English fluently.) Realize that this means it is not a raw translation but a cleaned up version so that it actually make sense unlike if you translate it with a translator on the internet that doesn't know how to clean things up.**

**Here's the translation if you were interested (Sorry it doesn't rhyme to those of you who are actually concerned about that…):**

_**Help Me Fly**__  
I've landed here someplace  
Can't say who I am anymore  
I've lost the memory  
The images don't make any sense  
Take me back, take me home  
I can't make it out of here alone_

_Come and help me fly  
Lend me your wings  
I'd trade them for the world  
for everything that keeps me sane  
I'd trade them tonight  
For everything I have_

_Tell me all the lies  
Make it so I will believe them  
Otherwise I can't breathe  
And this silence is making me numb  
Only grey walls and no light  
Everything here is without me_

_Come and help me fly  
Lend me your wings  
I'd trade them for the world  
For everything that keeps me sane  
I'd trade them for tonight  
For everything I have_

_I can't find myself here  
Don't recognize myself anymore  
Come and pull me out of here  
I'd give everything for that  
The distance hurts  
I want to go back  
Distancing myself more  
With every moment_

_I've landed here someplace…_

_Come and help me fly  
Lend me your wings  
I'd trade them for the world  
for everything that keeps me sane  
I'd trade them for tonight—_

_Come and help me fly  
Lend me your wings  
I'd trade them for the world  
For everything that keeps me sane  
I'd trade them for tonight—_

_Everything here is without me…  
Everything here is without… me…._

**Really touching song. You should look it up.**

**Umm.. so tell me how I did on my first KyoXKao fic please! I thought that it turned out a bit better than I had planned.**

**~Till Death Do We Part~**

— **Melody Syper Carston—**


End file.
